This site is ALSO for anyone who wants to learn about Childhood Sexual Abuse -- be they a partner, a friend, a relative, or just someone who is curious about the subject.... It is NOT for Survivors only!!!!
How can we "Stop the Silence" if we don't allow others to HEAR???
Let's be gentle with one another, but keep in mind that there are many areas on this page, and things that others might say, which could be a trigger for you. However, if you ARE triggered, there are many people on the forum and in the chatroom who will help you through your emotions.... Once you do that, the trigger will not be so powerful the next time....
We want to keep this environment safe for ALL Survivors; however, we cannot live in fear of triggering or being triggered by somebody else. I happen to believe that the best way to heal is to be perfectly honest at all times and allow others free expression (as long as they are not striking out at or slamming another person). This is NOT a place to tiptoe around each other's feelings and walk on eggshells.... but neither is it a place for you to take your pain out on someone else by lashing out at them, for whatever reason.
Being honest might mean that something we say might trigger someone else.... If it does, again, we will do all we can to help that person past the trigger -- but! WE WILL NOT STUFF OUR FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS! We are here to STOP THE SILENCE!
However, when posting something to the forum that you think could trigger someone else, please include a "TRIGGER" warning in the subject line.
Even more importantly, we must NEVER break another Survivor's trust for ANY reason whatsoever.... We want everyone here to feel free to express what is happening to them without fear of our telling someone else unless they have given us their personal permission for us to do so.
If someone is sounding suicidal, we should endeavor to get the name and number of a friend or someone who lives nearby if possible and do everything we can to talk them through it -- but we must not give them "help" they do not want, or tell them that we don't want to hear it, or that they "shouldn't talk that way" -- that negates their true feelings.
I can understand your desire to "save" someone, but -- believe me, breaking a Survivor's trust is FAR more harmful than the abuse they are trying to survive. Keep in mind how very hard it was/is for YOU to trust, and think how you might have reacted had someone broken your trust, no matter how good their intentions, after you had finally taken a chance and opened up to them....
It's important to remember that this site is merely a place for survivors of a similar trauma to meet and help one another through the healing process. It is not a substitute for proper professional help. We are not a counseling service -- we are a group of people who are becoming friends -- and, as friends -- we want to help one another....
So, let's do that by supporting one another as much as possible. We cannot "save" someone else. Nor can we take responsibility for "destroying" someone else. The only person who can truly save or destroy them, IS them. We are each in control of our OWN destinies....
We are a very special group of people here.... Let's rise above life's normal petty concerns and remember that, first and foremost, we are here to HELP one another. If you take issue with something someone has said, think before you reply! Do not allow personal arguments in the forum or chat room!!! If it must come to that, then work it out through email -- please do not allow it to contaminate this site! Do not put any other person down, express disappointment in a specific person, or carry out an all out attack on another person.
If someone else attacks YOU, IGNORE them. PLEASE! Try to remember that they might be in so much pain that the only way they know to express it is to lash out at someone else....
One more thing, if someone on the forum or in the chatroom is trying to "diagnose" you or someone else -- telling you that it sounds like "PTSD" or "Bipolar Disorder" or "Manic/Depression" or "DID" or "MPD" whatever -- please ask them the following questions.....
Are they a psychiatrist, a psychologist? Even a psych student????
If they ARE a board certified, card carrying psychiatrist or psychologist, NOT a student, have they met and talked at length with the person in a professional setting?
If the answer is NO to ANY of these questions, they have NO RIGHT to be throwing around what is more than likely misinformation.....
Unless they are a qualified, certified professional who has interviewed a person AT LENGTH, they do not have the expertise or the information to make a diagnosis of ANYone......
More importantly, no qualified professional with any sense of ethics is going to be spouting diagnoses online in a very public setting.
My advice?
Ignore ANYone who is trying to diagnose you or anyone else online. Therapy cannot be done online, over the phone, through email, or in a couple of short visits..... It is a long process and must be done IN PERSON, in a comfortable, private setting.
Irresponsible statements made by irresponsible people can do a lot of harm. If you have someone trying to diagnose you or anyone else in a chatroom or a forum, remind them of the above.....
And then, IGNORE THEM.
Let's keep this site an honest and safe place for Survivors and others to come -- perhaps a place where we can learn how to trust one another and thereby begin to trust others too?
The Survivor website is all about HONESTY and STOPPING THE SILENCE.... Above all, it is for YOU -- Use it to vent your anger and frustration, share your recipe for healing, and/or to help others past their pain.
I've put a few things below about specific pages that might help you in using this site....
Perhaps you'd like to meet the family here onsite? We are always looking for new members! You can post new messages or reply to messages already posted and remain totally anonymous by using an alias. I do, however, reserve the right to remove any messages I find in poor taste. Please -- no swear words, no obscenities. No private arguments. As the forum gets larger, older messages will be removed.
Again -- no swear words, no obscenities. No private arguments. Try not to judge others and, please, don't ignore anyone who is honestly asking for help! If you have someone who is purposely being a nuisance, again, the best thing you can do is totally ignore them. They will eventually get tired of not getting a rise out of you and go away....
You will generally find people in the chatroom after 7pm Eastern Time on weekdays -- the rest of the time is pretty much hit and miss.... If you wish to schedule a chat, leave a message in the forum.
You can write to anyone listed. People are listed by the type of abuse they suffered to help you find someone with whom you can relate better. You can also email me and have your email address listed there.
Good luck in your healing and I hope this page will be of help to you.....
Much love and many (safe) hugs....